winter break.

so i have officially finished my first semester as a college student.

it's funny, really, because i was so worried about starting school. terrified, even.

and i mean, it hasn't been as scary as i thought it would be. i had a good first few months - hiking, joking around, taking ridiculous pictures, going to parties. but when i realized that the friends i thought i had were really... not people i wanted to be hanging out with, things went downhill. actually, i was unhappy even before that.

once i removed them from my life, i was significantly happier, although a tiny bit lonelier. i have moved from having an admittedly small group of friends to one friend. i mean, i hang out with her friends too, and i'm friendly with kids around, but it's weird.

the academics have been both easier and harder than i imagined. i didn't realize they graded so easily, but i also didn't realize that "weather and atmosphere" was going to be so difficult to understand. 

it hasn't been bad, per se, but it has been interesting.

i feel like i've learned a lot about my self from the social experiences i've had so far - i feel like once i'm friends with someone, i have to continue to be friends with them; i am sometimes uncomfortable around people i don't know because i'm used to knowing everyone, etc. etc.

anyway, i'm really looking forward to next semester, when i get to meet new people, make new friends, take new classes, meet my new roommate. it should be interesting.

in the meantime.....

Art?

My whole life I’ve been drawn to more creative, artistic hobbies – things like drawing, writing, photography. Various phases led me through ambitions to be a cinematographer and fabricated skills at black and white photography. By the end of freshman year in high school, however, I’d learned that I just wasn’t good at any of my proposed passions. Ballet was a six year experience – one that ended quickly in third grade when I realized that tights and good posture just didn’t mesh with my personality. Meanwhile, I’d discovered photography, filling my summers with workshops at the zoo, a hobby which lasted approximately ten discontinuous years, if you count the bright red plastic camera I ran around with at five. Art, which replaced photography for a bit, was my middle school endeavor; although I’d been forced to take art classes in elementary school, I was never serious about it. Drama featured a very short spotlight, lasting less than a week, because I’d discovered my inability to think on my feet. Video lasted almost as long as photography, really, starting around fourth grade and continuing until eleventh. For about four years, I walked around with my video camera in hand, recording everything and editing it all before losing the footage throughout the years. Taking a class on the subject quickly ended that hobby. Guitar, also a long-term investment, began in fifth grade and endured through both middle and high school, mostly because I loved the class, despite my lack of talent.

Overall, I have no artistic talent.