loyalty protecting loyalty.

Now that it's summer, I'm not sure whether blogging daily would be easier or harder.

My step-dad added me on Facebook, which makes me a little nervous. I can't figure out how to do that limited profile crap 'cause I fail and am too lazy to look for very long. Plus, I don't want it to be like "OH HEY I WON'T LET YOU SEE MY PICTURES BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THERE'S SOMETHING I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE" so y'know. Anyway, there's not really anything that I think I need to be worried about.

I miss my mom's house, and I really really really want to go boating. I miss lakes and tubing and sunburns and Jimmy Buffet. D:

I love The Nanny. It's so pathetic that I stay up to watch the two episodes on Nick at Night. :]

We went to the zoo today, so that was fun. Prairie dogs are freaking ADORABLE, and I lovelovelove goats, especially baby ones. But jeez, the zoo we went to didn't have elephants or lions or hippos which is SUCKY. But whatevs. The red panda was cute. Lots of walking but still nice. Then we went and had Mexican food but we all ate WAY too much, and now my stomach hurts so whatevs.

I haven't legitimately listened to music in a long time. I've neglected iTunes even more now that I'm not driving my own car [and consequently, not listening to my CDs or iPod in the car.]

Speaking of cars, I miss mine a lot. I'm driving my step-mom's Toyota Sequoia at the moment It's so much heavier and bigger than my Forester, so that kind of sucks. I didn't realize I would miss driving my car so much, but driving other people's cars is annoying because I have to be clean and not take up their space, and I just miss having the freedom to leave shit in my cupholders if I don't wanna deal with it.

Anyway, I should probably go to bed 'cause it's like 1:42 AM [not that 2's that late but whatevs].

someday you will get the best of me.

I told myself the other day that I'd try to blog everyday for a while [like BEDA but a month late], because this is really the only self-reflection that I do [ever] and I wanna see if my writing changes. I dunno; we'll see.

I should most definitely be reading my pieces on feminism/working on my feminism assertion or studying for the BAZILLION tests I have, but I can't bring myself to work on any of it. Instead, I watch stupid YouTube videos and write shit blog entries. And realizing just how music ADD I am.

I - I don't listen to music anymore, really. Just in the car so it's not silent. But... I don't know. Shows are still fun, and I lovelovelove them, but they're not the same as they were. Just a different feeling to the whole thing. Maybe I'm growing out of it or some shit.

We got the book of our class's personal essays back today in AP English Language. I despise my personal essay, and seeing it published makes me want to cry a little.

I hate that our teachers moved our anatomy test after I had already studied and mine won't tell us what's going to be on there, so I'm like "well. I studied, but usually when I study, I fail anyway." I'll probably do badly, but at least I'll get it over with. I'm scared for the anatomy final; I'm going to have to do well, 'cause, well, I've done really badly in the class. Ugh. My teacher REFUSES to believe that I actually read and didn't have any questions about the material, so he said he was going to give me a bad grade for not asking questions. That's just ridiculous. You're going to give me a bad grade because I UNDERSTOOD THE MATERIAL?! Ugh. I just hate that class overall.

Obviously, I don't have a lot to talk about. I'm mostly just procrastinating. I don't want to read/study. Feminism isn't my thing, and APUSH is freaking scary.

Listening to Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack, Sunshine by Matt Costa, Super Honeymoon by Owl City, Colorado Sunrise by 3OH!3

My bands are outgrowing me.

Most depressing thing ever.

yay instrumental music.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone movie soundtrack FTW.

Interlude in Em by It is Well FTW tooo! :)


Why do I associate Motion City Soundtrack with Chuck Palahniuk?

genre jumps, devolution, and cover art.

I'm unhappy with Fueled by Ramen [and Fall Out Boy]. All their bands are changing their sounds. And yeah, sure, I'm cool with them maturing musically and everything, but most of the time it sounds like they're devolving. Panic[!] at the Disco, The Academy Is... - it's not that I don't love the bands [because I do]. It's just that I expect more from them. Quality stuff, not the somewhat cliche, not-entirely-pop-but-reminscient-of-it, slightly boring stuff they've put out recently.

Panic[!]'s newest CD, which they worked on for years [literally], was a disappointment. With the exclamation point went the energy of the music. Sure, I liked a few of the songs on Pretty. Odd. - We're So Starving, Pas de Cheval, sometimes Northern Downpour. It's certainly not as if the rest of the songs are bad, but they just don't catch my attention like their old music did. Honestly, if the CD hadn't been by Panic[!], I would never have bought it. I only listened to it when I was getting ready to see them, because I wanted to be able to still have fun if they only played songs off that. [Luckily, they played the old songs also and sounded better than ever.] I love the band, but I expected more from them.

The Academy Is...'s new CD isn't terrible. I still haven't listened to the whole thing, but I do like a fair amount of the songs I have heard. Paper Chase and His Girl Friday are my favorites off the album at the moment. But I would never specifically choose those songs to listen to. I'll listen to them if they come up on my playlist, but I'm not going to seek them out. Even in Santi, their previous album, it was a little hard for me to find the sound that I loved about them. I grew to love Santi though, especially after seeing them perform it live twice. It's a CD I probably would have bought even if I had no idea who the band was. Fast Times at Barrington High is a CD I wouldn't have looked twice at. The music isn't bad, but it doesn't catch my attention. I hear it, but I'm definitely not captured by it the way I was with their first album - which I discovered years late. The lyrics on some tracks are brilliant, but most are slightly cliche. [Not that I can even write cliche lyrics.] Again, I love the band. I just wanted more. However, considering how often they toured between Santi and this album, it's pretty impressive.

Fall Out Boy - who isn't on Fueled by Ramen, but whatever - has a new album coming out on Election Day. I've already made sure that the CD store that I go to is ordering it. I'm buying no matter what. I adore the cover art as well as the title. I liked the new songs on the free mixtape they put out. But "I Don't Care" just doesn't really meet my standards. As selfish as it sounds, I wish Patrick had never learned to sing; in my opinion, his voice is absolutely brilliant on Take This To Your Grave [which is my favorite CD anyway] and decreases from there. That's not to say that I don't love his voice, because I do. I just don't love it as much. The lyrics to I Don't Care aren't great, but I can deal with that. I wasn't worried, because I felt the same way with Infinity On High and still ended up really liking that CD. Besides, I'd already heard other new songs that I liked [despite the constant "GET FAMILIAR" crap]. It can't be all bad. They put out a new song on iTunes the other day, and I was totally ready to text my dad to ask if I could borrow a dollar to buy the song. I was even a little excited, but I ended up not even wanting to buy it. I was just like "Eh, it'll be on the CD... Why waste money?" I never like the singles though, so I still have faith in them. :)

I'm not giving up on these bands.

Y'know, maybe it's me.
Maybe I'm outgrowing them.

Art?

My whole life I’ve been drawn to more creative, artistic hobbies – things like drawing, writing, photography. Various phases led me through ambitions to be a cinematographer and fabricated skills at black and white photography. By the end of freshman year in high school, however, I’d learned that I just wasn’t good at any of my proposed passions. Ballet was a six year experience – one that ended quickly in third grade when I realized that tights and good posture just didn’t mesh with my personality. Meanwhile, I’d discovered photography, filling my summers with workshops at the zoo, a hobby which lasted approximately ten discontinuous years, if you count the bright red plastic camera I ran around with at five. Art, which replaced photography for a bit, was my middle school endeavor; although I’d been forced to take art classes in elementary school, I was never serious about it. Drama featured a very short spotlight, lasting less than a week, because I’d discovered my inability to think on my feet. Video lasted almost as long as photography, really, starting around fourth grade and continuing until eleventh. For about four years, I walked around with my video camera in hand, recording everything and editing it all before losing the footage throughout the years. Taking a class on the subject quickly ended that hobby. Guitar, also a long-term investment, began in fifth grade and endured through both middle and high school, mostly because I loved the class, despite my lack of talent.

Overall, I have no artistic talent.

Wait, "learning?" What's that?

Listening to: Drunk Girl by Something Corporate
What I Should Be Doing: Finishing up history, brushing my teeth, and going to bed
I'm Also: Talking to Allie, reading journals on songsmeanings.net, and playing Spider Solitaire [my new addiction]

I picked up Panic! at the Disco's Pretty. Odd. and Something Corporate's Leaving Through The Window today. I also saw Horton Hears a Who again [love that movie!] and had ice cream with my friends. =) All in all, it was a pretty good day.

I'm comfortable talking to the guy that owns/runs the CD store, and I'm comfortable talking to the girl that is sometimes there instead of him, but I'm not comfortable talking to either of them when they're in the same room. I don't know why, so don't ask.

It was like 90 effing degrees. I mean, I know that's normal for where I live, but I was so used to the 40-50s... I almost forgot how gross sweating is.

Wuh-oah... I spent like $72 today. $20 for movie tickets, $20 for ice cream, $32 for my CDs... Dang.

I know how to budget/save my money, but there's always stuff I want. [T-shirts, CDs, concert tickets...]

I don't like Pretty. Odd. even half as much as I liked A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, but whatever. It's okay, just not great. Doesn't really catch my attention.

I'm way too shy sometimes. Like, I can't even talk to the CD store guy when there are people I don't know in there. And I hate ordering food at restaurants/fast food places/ice cream shops. And I absolutely DESPISE talking on the phone. And if I don't have at least one friend in a class, I won't say ANYTHING. Unless it's like guitar. But I've known my teacher for like 5 years. Then again, I didn't talk to him for like the first two. xD

he says she's going back home.

Listening to: No Other One by Weezer
What I Should Be Doing: Showering or reading or flossing or something
I'm Also: Fighting a headache, wishing I had water, trying to kill writer's block, and watching Degrassi

It's spring break, and I'm not excited at all.

I got a $50 iTunes gift card as a [really] early Easter present though, so at least I'm happy about that. Even if I do still want 82 more songs.

I want to write, but I can't. Gah.

I hate myself for forgetting my iPod at my mom's.
The only time I forget it is spring break when I'll be spending like six hours in the car. WTF is up with that!?

ihopethismakesyousmile.

I think too much. Especially about people.

I just want life to stop.

So Here's To Being Alone

Listening to: The City That Reads (Acoustic) by The Graduate
What I Should Be Doing: Reading the last 10 pages of chapter 29 in my history book and sleeping
I'm Also: Playing solitaire

Honestly, The City That Reads is my favorite song right now. It's just like brilliance in 4 minutes and 25 seconds. And it was free. =)

http://www.absolutepunk.net/artists/showlink.php?l=3813&catid=searchresults&searchid=2671145
That's a link to The Graduate's AbsolutePunk profile. They have a link to download the EP there. It's pretty much amazing, so you should check it out.

I've downloaded a bunch of free EPs/CDs lately, and I'm pretty happy with all of them. Free music from MySpace and Facebook's pretty awesome too.

I'm just on a free music spree at the moment. =P

I want 103 songs right now. I've got no iTunes money, so I'm pretty much going to be waiting until May 13.

In about 6 hours, I took 7 and a half pages of notes on chapters 27-29 of my history book [which is effing awful by the way], and I'm STILL not finished.

Bad habits.

I want to go to the book store so badly...

Operator, I Can't Hold Much Longer

I was listening to Nobody Puts Baby in The Corner, and my tummy just got warm. Like, happy warm on the inside. Patrick's voice makes so dang happy for no effing reason.

I miss those sugar cigarettes. Y'know, that candy you buy in convenience stores, with the red tips?

Sometimes I hate how much music influences my moods.

It's quiet now, and I'm sad. Not crying-sad, just calm-sad. It's my default mood or something.

I don't want to do my math homework, but I have guitar tomorrow. Wednesday night's the only time I do my math homework at home.

Pencils are fun to chew on...

I'm plannin - never mind, I can't do anything this weekend.

Next weekend, I'm planning on walking to the CD store [with someone maybe? I wonder if I could bring my dog. Does Brent let dogs in there...?] to buy/order a Something Corporate CD. And then I'm going to the bookstore across the street to try to find Invisible Monsters, 'cause I'm a loser and want to read that. I blame Motion City Soundtrack, but whatever.

let'sgooncemoredowntothedancefloor

Powerspace Snap Bracelet is the only whole song I heard by Powerspace on Saturday. I'm glad I left though, 'cause listening to this makes my stomach drop, while their other songs are still good.

I'm so so sick of the YouTube community.

I just realized I'm typing this in "Edit HTML" mode. God, I miss 8th grade computer class.

I realized the other day that I talk to myself because I want someone to talk to. And that makes me feel so empty.

I had sushi last night, and for about six hours after dinner, I could taste it in my mouth. I should've gone with the shrimp in those california rolls.

I wish I understood the term 'time management' and that my videos turned out the way I wanted.

I should do math instead of sitting here looking at the blank paper.

Why is it that on CDs, the non-singles are always better than the singles...?

heymisterDJyou'vegottaputarecordonyeah

So tired all the time.

MUSIC.

www.Jango.com

So, Is This What You Wanted? Too Bad, It's What You Got.

Listening to: You're Making It Come Alive by My Favorite Highway
What I Should Be Doing: B.S.ing my assignment for digital video, studying for my WHAP/Algebra 2 tests, doing Algebra 2 test corrections, doing my Chem problems, sleeping
I'm Also: Talking to Anna and Whitney, wishing YouTube would load, trying not to cry, and missing Allie

I kind of hate life right now.

I've sworn off all mainstream music that I don't already know about. [I'm still gonna listen to FOB, but I'm not going to check out Cobra Starship or any new bands.]

I can't talk about music to anyone. Ever. It only leads to crappy crappy situations.

Plane rides suck.

So does digital video.

And life.

I'm getting really sick of everything.

Every single one of my classes is pointless. Seriously. I can't think of ONE thing I'll actually use EVER.

Guitar class has become more like a therapy session.

I hate crying, but I've done it so much this year... I miss last year so much it's not even funny.

I hate musically diverse people.

This weekend was awful, especially because we had Friday off. I just slept through it and then went to the airport.

Complete crap.

I want three CDs, and I'm going to have to walk down to the CD store alone to order them.

I spent the last of my iTunes money on Thursday night.

The more I think about it, the worse I feel.

I guess I should stop thinking. I mean, that's how I got through two funerals in two weeks.

I want to go to my concert. I'll be hanging out with two of my best friends and seeing one of my favorite bands all at once, so it should be good. It better be.

I'm sick of feeling so alone.

My mom blames everything on my dad, but... I don't think that's the problem. I like my dad better than her.

Why was I so happy last year? I don't even remember being happy before that.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers suck.

I - I need to do my homework.

But I don't know how to correct Algebra 2, do any of the Chem problems I have left, B.S. digital video, or study for history.

So.

Yeah.

Stalker flight attendants are really scary.

Bang, Bang, Shoot 'Em Up, Yeah

Listening to: 30 seconds of Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! at the Disco
What I Should Be Doing: Washing my face, changing into pajamas, and going to bed
I'm Also: Wishing my lips weren't so chapped

I want to read, but I feel like I never have time.

It's great, because I can't figure out how to buy Panic!'s new single, so I'm listening to like the preview. *dull look* I'm just like clicking 'Nine in the Afternoon - Single' like a billion times and it keeps taking me to the album pre-order page. Go die, iTunes.

I'm STARVING for some reason. Seriously. It's not like I didn't eat dinner.

Sorry, NOFX, I can't afford your song right now. I promise I'll buy it later. Maybe. I lied. I can afford it. But now I kind of want to buy The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin instead of Bob by NOFX. Ah well. GAWD, iTUNES! MUST YOU BE SO STUPID!? Just buy the freaking songs. *pout* ... I've been sitting here messing with iTunes for like 40 minutes, and I can't effing buy the songs. FINALLY. Apple's pretty screwed up, man.

ANYWAY. Today, this guy with crazy sideburns and long hair that my parents randomly know [...?] thought my brother was a girl. It was SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS. Though Hunter was NOT happy. =) I think he heard me and my sister laughing when he was leaving and he came back to apologize and was all "It's cool that you have long hair."

Uh. Yeah. :)

*gasp!* Only 2 smileys!

Hopefully I'm getting better at that.

I'm trying to get into smaller bands [yeah, again], so I looked at what lists of 'indie bands.' There were a few I was like "Uh, not indie" and a few I was like "GOD THIS SUCKS," but I'm not very far in, and there've been at least three good ones. So. Maybe it'll get easier.

One of the bands didn't sell their songs on iTunes, and it's not on Limewire, so I dunno where to get it, and I like it. =(

Three smileys.

The title's Anna's fault, because I keep buying Cobra Starship's random singles. They're just that amazing. Well, the ones I've listened to. Which isn't many. But she loves the band, so I'm assuming they're that amazing. Yeah. Uh. *dances*

HONDA CIVIC TOUR = SUCK!!!.

I hate the people that schedule the Honda Civic Tour.

EVERYONE SKIPS MY CITY.

I'd pay $200 a ticket to see The Hush Sound AND Motion City Soundtrack [!] AND Panic! at the Disco [I refuse to drop the !.]

I hate this.

And I refuse to buy Panic!'s new album, because of it.

*sigh*

I honestly cried for almost an hour when I saw the tour dates.

And you suck, Phantom Planet.

The Biggest Thing I've Ever Lost Was My Guitar

Listening to: On Again/Off Again by Riverboat Gamblers
What I Should Be Doing: Filling out my History QQS, rewriting my History timed writing, reading Macbeth for English, working on Chem review questions
I'm Also: Rating all my unrated music on iTunes [I'm OCD about that. xD]

I forgot to turn iTunes off shuffle, so I'm getting a-mazing songs like Unexpected Places by The Academy Is... and Be Aggressive by Powerspace. Not that the songs I haven't rated aren't amazing, 'cause they are. =) Mostly.

I love commas and semi-colons and apostrophes and I'm kind of a grammar freak. It's sad.

It always makes me happy to meet people that like Motion City Soundtrack, Powerspace, The Higher, This Providence, or The Format. I know very very few people that like them. I know one person that might like MCS, two people that like Powerspace 'cause I introduced them to The Kicks of Passion, and no one that likes The Higher, This Prov, or The Format. Even though I only know like nine songs by The Format.

My iTunes has to be sorted by artist, or I get annoyed. All the songs have to be rated. Every song has to have album art, whether that's something I threw together or the actual CD cover. Every song has to have an album and genre, even if that means I make them up. All my songs have to be properly capitalized. All my non-country songs have to be on my Other playlist, and all my non-other songs have to be on my country playlist. Simple Plan is the only exception, and they don't belong on any playlist, because I always skip their songs anyway. On-The-Go playlists can't exist.

There can't be more than four Internet Explorer windows open at one time, though I tend to have at least four tabs open in one. I hate even numbers, because there's no middle number. People must wash their hands before touching my laptop. Sticky things make me angry. My CDs and games must stay in their case, unless they're being used. I will never ever flush a CD to clean it, though I will use toothpaste to fix the scratches. My room can't be too warm. Juicyfruit is for blowing bubbles and snapping gum, and Stride is just for chewing. My CDs must be ordered chronologically by when I bought/received them. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are important, even on the internet. My toenails can only get so long. I use earbuds to listen to music at school/on the airplane, but I use old clunky headphones that cover my ears at home. All of my headphones, USB cords, cameras, chargers, and Gameboys belong in the red basket on top of the unplugged stereo next to my bed. Sharpies belong in the mug with the pencils that have run out of lead. I only talk to Allie about family issues, and I don't know why. The flash is almost always off on my camera. My black school tie must be returned to the same pocket as my iPod when I take it off. I don't throw anything away, instead giving everything a specific place in my room and keeping it there. Peeling things must be taped over.
You'd think that I'd be like really organized. xD

I'm REALLY REALLY not. =)

I really like my copy of the periodic table of elements for some reason.

Nothing's Left In The Cup

Listening to: Crooked Teeth by Death Cab for Cutie
What I Should Be Doing: Sleeping or wrapping Christmas presents
I'm Also: Reading stuff on the Sims 2 exchange, browsing deviantArt, playing Solitaire, and half-editing a video

Okay, so a few minutes ago, the song Johnny Ain't Coming Home by 86'd started playing on my iTunes. I was going to skip it, but changed my mind for no reason after maximizing iTunes. I looked for my rating for it, 'cause I couldn't remember what it was. I looked at the top of the screen and saw a five star rating and for a few seconds, I honestly thought that I rated it five stars because of the title of the song. I don't know why, but I was convinced that was why I'd rated it so high. But it turned out that I'd been looking at Paralyzed by The Used and that I'd actually rated Johnny two stars. xD

The Sims 2 + Webcomics = Amazing. =)

I adore Motion City Soundtrack. Really. :)

I can't tell whether I'm happy or sad. I'm still in shock/denial over two deaths. I feel bad, because I know their spouses and siblings and children feel so much worse than I do, and they can't escape it... At least I can pretend none of it happened. I don't know how/want to deal with any of it.

Stomach cancer sucks.

OH EM GEE. HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE. Do people even say that?

Well, it's Christmas Eve now, since it's 12:20 AM. =)

I really want iTunes money.

I suddenly am craving white cheddar macaroni and cheese. That had to be the most random craving EVER. I don't even LIKE white cheddar macaroni and cheese...

If I had to recommend a CD to somebody, I'd have trouble choosing between This Providence's self-titled album, On Fire by The Higher, and The Kicks of Passion by Powerspace. For some reason, those are the three I'm in love with right now, even though I love a ton of my other CDs...

Poetic Tragedy by The Used = love.

Mike Carden = Milk Carton

Listening to: Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today
What I Should Be Doing: Figuring out what the multiplicity of each zero is
I'm Also: Trying to do homework and IMing my friends

I moped again today.

Anna's site = a-mazing.

Mike Carden's birthday is in like 20 minutes. =)

Oh, yes.

Someone want to help me with my Algebra 2 homework? xD

We wanted to send Mike Carden a milk carton that was filled with something. *nods*

We didn't. :P

Ecce Romani!

Listening to: Point of Extinction by Motion City Soundtrack

I haven't posted on this in like years. xD It's mostly because of school and not being online much this weekend. That's because of watching two and a half movies with my sister and babysitter with a ton of junk food while my parents were gone this weekend. =P Anyways.

I have two tests tomorrow. Chemistry and Latin. I'm kinda worried about both. I think I'll do okay on Chem, but I know Latin's gonna SUCK since the teacher doesn't teach us. -.-

I got the new Motion City Soundtrack CD today. Even If It Kills Me is pretty awesome. xD It technically comes out tomorrow, but the CD store had it today at 4, so I bought it. I like it a lot. =)

And I can't see Powerspace, which REALLY stinks. I almost went, but my mom thinks there will be "bad people" at the bar where they're playing, so... Wah. Not fun. x(

Yeah, I'm too lazy and don't have enough time at the moment to write anymore so I'm leaving. Back to reading Beowulf. =P