she whispers something in my ear; the message is unclear.

I can't concentrate on anything. It's unfortunate.

My stomach is upset with me for some reason, and I'm not feeling all that great overall. Mentally and physically.

I had another good/bad day. Although my days are rarely amazing, I hardly ever stay in a bad mood all day. Something good happens or someone cheers me up. Sometimes I go home unhappy, but it's rare that I was like that all day. I had that anatomy test today, which I'm pretty sure I failed because I didn't know any of the short answer. Sure, that's probably my fault, but I'm studying the only way I know how. I read the entire chapter, highlighted, took in depth notes, studied those notes intensely, but it doesn't matter apparently. I was incredibly angry after that test - like angrier than I've been in years, honestly - and I couldn't do anything but just go study for APUSH some more. Just to make myself feel a little better, I tore out all my anatomy notes, threw them in my locker, and then ripped up my genetics notes before sitting down with the Princeton Review. I liked English today though; we talked about the end of the year, and I felt like such a part of the group - which isn't all that unusual, but is always nice nevertheless. Yearbook, photo, and history were okay. I was still unhappy, but I wasn't angry anymore.

But instead of going to assembly today, future AP English Lit kids had a meeting with our future teacher to choose the author for our future research paper [and summer reading]. That stressed me out more than anything. I have absolutely no idea how to choose. I freaked out the entire time, even though I was the 49th person to choose [after switching numbers with four of my friends for a later number]. I asked for more time, but I was incredibly stressed out and anxious about everything again. We went straight to lunch, and while we were waiting in line, my friends started talking about the anatomy test; I was so emotionally unstable that I was literally two seconds away from crying and I was sort of yelling and swearing, but whatever. Once we got to the table, the day got better. I don't even know why, but for some reason, the conversation at lunch cheered me up. And then M.E. started writing all over me in free period and screwing with my computer so I hit her a bunch of times, but she wouldn't stop and then she complained to me. Whatever.

We studied after school and that made me feel better because I think I know a lot more than I realize. [PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEBETRUE.]

Listening to Last Night by Motion City Soundtrack, At First Sight and Home by Jay Brannan, You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol, She's Leaving Home by The Beatles, God Gave Me a Gun by Alive in Wild Paint, Hey by Backseat Goodbye [damn I took forever to write this.]
Days until the APUSH exam: 3
Days until graduation: 388

someday you will get the best of me.

I told myself the other day that I'd try to blog everyday for a while [like BEDA but a month late], because this is really the only self-reflection that I do [ever] and I wanna see if my writing changes. I dunno; we'll see.

I should most definitely be reading my pieces on feminism/working on my feminism assertion or studying for the BAZILLION tests I have, but I can't bring myself to work on any of it. Instead, I watch stupid YouTube videos and write shit blog entries. And realizing just how music ADD I am.

I - I don't listen to music anymore, really. Just in the car so it's not silent. But... I don't know. Shows are still fun, and I lovelovelove them, but they're not the same as they were. Just a different feeling to the whole thing. Maybe I'm growing out of it or some shit.

We got the book of our class's personal essays back today in AP English Language. I despise my personal essay, and seeing it published makes me want to cry a little.

I hate that our teachers moved our anatomy test after I had already studied and mine won't tell us what's going to be on there, so I'm like "well. I studied, but usually when I study, I fail anyway." I'll probably do badly, but at least I'll get it over with. I'm scared for the anatomy final; I'm going to have to do well, 'cause, well, I've done really badly in the class. Ugh. My teacher REFUSES to believe that I actually read and didn't have any questions about the material, so he said he was going to give me a bad grade for not asking questions. That's just ridiculous. You're going to give me a bad grade because I UNDERSTOOD THE MATERIAL?! Ugh. I just hate that class overall.

Obviously, I don't have a lot to talk about. I'm mostly just procrastinating. I don't want to read/study. Feminism isn't my thing, and APUSH is freaking scary.

Listening to Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack, Sunshine by Matt Costa, Super Honeymoon by Owl City, Colorado Sunrise by 3OH!3