winter break.

so i have officially finished my first semester as a college student.

it's funny, really, because i was so worried about starting school. terrified, even.

and i mean, it hasn't been as scary as i thought it would be. i had a good first few months - hiking, joking around, taking ridiculous pictures, going to parties. but when i realized that the friends i thought i had were really... not people i wanted to be hanging out with, things went downhill. actually, i was unhappy even before that.

once i removed them from my life, i was significantly happier, although a tiny bit lonelier. i have moved from having an admittedly small group of friends to one friend. i mean, i hang out with her friends too, and i'm friendly with kids around, but it's weird.

the academics have been both easier and harder than i imagined. i didn't realize they graded so easily, but i also didn't realize that "weather and atmosphere" was going to be so difficult to understand. 

it hasn't been bad, per se, but it has been interesting.

i feel like i've learned a lot about my self from the social experiences i've had so far - i feel like once i'm friends with someone, i have to continue to be friends with them; i am sometimes uncomfortable around people i don't know because i'm used to knowing everyone, etc. etc.

anyway, i'm really looking forward to next semester, when i get to meet new people, make new friends, take new classes, meet my new roommate. it should be interesting.

in the meantime.....

For a long time, I boasted that I didn't care about what anyone else thought of me. And for a while, I even believed that about myself.

However, I realized at some point in the last year that I used that as an excuse to do whatever I wanted. It allowed me to a bitch, guilt-free.

It allowed me to criticize people for faults I embody more than they do. It allowed me to cultivate a very negative pessimistic view of the world. It allowed me to trick myself into thinking I was actually better than some of my peers.

But I do care what people think. The opinions of the people whom I respect are important to me.
Mostly because I don't want to be that girl that people dislike.

This does not have so much to do with my reputation as it does my effect on others.

We affect everyone we interact with everyday. I would much rather leave a positive effect than a negative one; I would rather make someone feel good about themselves or make their day just a little more tolerable than throw them into anger and self-doubt.


I'm sorry.

what would you do?

I should be packing, since I'm going to Italy tomorrow. Instead, I'm texting my friend about a movie we're going to see at 7:15, singing to music, and writing a blog entry...

So, yesterday around two, my mom took me over to my friend's house [we got lost on the way and got there late too xD]. We [as in me, my friend, two of my other friends, and my friend's friend] hung out until about seven, when we headed to the movie theater to see What Happens In Vegas. The first theater we were going to was sold out [wtf?] but we made it to another one on time and we were five of the nine people in the theater. Anyway. The movie was really good, and Carolina Liar had a song in it [WTF? I didn't even think they had a CD out yet... Okay, just checked and they do, but whatever.] Then we drove home [and watched the beginning of The Cutting Edge 3(?) in the car]. My friend's friend had to go, which kinda stunk, but I think she still had fun, so that's always good. =) So. We watched the rest of that movie in the trailer we were spending the night in. And then we watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure [which was most outstanding, by the way]. And one of my friends fell asleep. And then we watched Little Miss Sunshine. And then License to Wed [and dude, I totally hated all the characters in that movie]. And then Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey [which was totally non non non heinous]. Then my friend woke up, because it was about 6 or 7 AM by that time. And so we watched 27 Dresses. And when that was over, it was around 8:30, so we went inside and ate pancakes while watching 300. And then we played electronic Life until one. xD

1. What Happens In Vegas
2. The Cutting Edge 3
3. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
4. Little Miss Sunshine
5. License to Wed
6. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
7. 27 Dresses
8. 300

I've never seen that many movies in 24 hours, let alone 12. xD And I'm going to see that new Adam Sandler movie at like 7:15 with my other friends tonight.

So. I haven't slept in 27 hours, I've watched 8 movies, and discovered that I really need to pack.

Antimatter?

Listening to: The fan on my laptop
What I Should Be Doing: Reading Act 3 of Macbeth, reading 50 pages of crud about Augustus for Latin, reading two chapters for WHAP, doing my Algebra 2 homework
I'm Also: Checking my e-mail and playing solitaire

Okay. We were in the library on the computers today in my history class, and my friend Allie went to www.yahoo.com [instead of planning her timed writing like she was supposed to be doing. xD I didn't do mine either...] She said something about really liking that one of the featured articles was called "Clowns 'Universally Disliked' by Children." There were a few other articles, including one called "4 Factors That Make a Man Want To Marry." We were joking around and told her to click on that. She did.

This is what came up:

Four factors that make a man want to marry:
1. Antimatter
2. Antimatter
3. Antimatter
4. Antimatter

I think this is hilarious. xD Also, I Googled 'baby noises' while we were there. Try it. The second link is a "Baby Noises Soundboard" and I find it hilarious for some reason. =D

[What's up with the color? It came out black and wouldn't show up so I had to change it to gray...?]

I'm a loser.

Apparently my friend's CD came in a day early, because Brent left me a voicemail saying it came in today, but it wasn't s'posed to be there till tomorrow...?

Well, My Weekend's Ruined

Listening to: You're Crashing, But You're No Wave by Fall Out Boy
What I Should Be Doing: Absolutely nothing unfortunately.

Today was awesome. And then I got in the car to come home.

AND IT STARTED SUCKING. TIMES FRICKIN' TWELVE.

Like, I actually had fun at school. I yelled at a bunch of idiots in the lunch line [there were about forty (okay, so there weren't FORTY. BUT THERE WERE A LOT! xP) of them all trying to shove their way up the lunch line and they were getting really obnoxious, so... xD] in front of the dean of students and he didn't care. xD I coughed on the ones that didn't listen to me, also... It was fun. I always have fun yelling at people. Seriously. It like makes my day about twenty times better. 'Cept for the adrenaline rush after. =)

We did absolutely nothing in History, which is also freaking amazing. That was fun, too. xD And then I went to English with my group to finish our questions for a socratic seminar and after stress and craziness, we goofed off and it was fun too. :P

And I was really looking forward to this weekend [ALL FRICKING WEEK TOO] because my friend was s'posed to stay with me [my parents and my siblings were gonna go on a mission trip], and we basically hang out and do random crud, and it's AMAZING. xD They're usually my favorite weekends like ever. =P

And then I get in the car.

And my friend's all "Yeah, your mom apparently didn't go on the mission trip." And I'm like "... WHAT!?!?!"

And, not even kidding, it ruined my day. My sister's supposedly sick [which, seriously, I don't believe, because I've seen her running around, and she's eating candy and buttered pasta and just CRUD, while her "stomach hurts." LIES.] and that's why my mom's staying. But really, my friend coulda watched her. We usually both stay anyway...

Since then, I've been yelled at for not having all A's [IT'S A FRICKING FINE ART. DIGITAL VIDEO DOESN'T MATTER.] and I'm going to be forced to watch a movie with my sister and mom later and I don't want to. At all.

Plus, my friend was s'posed to stay with us next weekend too, but my mom's all "I might stay home" so that really sucks. And "I might stay home" pretty much means "I'LLBEHERE." And that sucks because we never see my friend. =(

And I ranted about my mom not letting me go to a venue unless the band was Christian and how she thinks "tattoos = bad people" and how I've missed like four concerts in the past week 'cause she wouldn't lemme go to any of them. And even THINKING about that makes me want to cry.

Like, I freaking live for concerts and music and that crud. I don't care about like anything else. [Pathetic, but completely true.]

So. Today sucks.

AT&T Sucks and Andy is Jesus

Listening to: Sleep, Everyone by Powerspace
What I Should Be Doing: Writing Inner/Outer circle questions for World History AP

I love Powerspace. Like times a million.

I almost went to a Motion City Soundtrack today. But my mom said nooo. So wah. She also said no to Fall Out Boy, Powerspace, and This Providence. Yeah. Sucks. FOB was yesterday, Powerspace woulda been this Sunday, and This Providence woulda been like two weeks from now. I'm sad. =(

I'm mad, 'cause my Digital Video teacher made us all get external harddrives, but she didn't give us ANY requirements/expectations, so my step-dad and I just guessed when we bought one [it was $130 and one of the cheapest ones.] And she's all "No, it doesn't work; get a new one." She finally gave me like 2 actual requirements, but that's it.

Okay, the three weeks after October 2 just freaking SUCKED. I've been having a pretty good week this week though. Hopefully, it'll stay good. I think it's good 'cause it's finally getting colder. =)

I'm tired and I don't think I'm gonna go trick or treating for Halloween, which makes me really sad. I wanna go, but it wouldn't be fun by myself...

I'm going to my dad's this weekend and then my friend's staying with me for like 2 weekends in a row. xD Whoo, man. Naw, I'm actually happy about that. =D

My Sherwood CD and my Farewell CD come in tomorrow. =) So happy... I just have to go pick 'em up and I'll be happy for like a week. xD The CD store always makes my day/week better. Like, I hadn't gone in almost a month and then I went on Monday and I was just like "I had/am having a really good day." Was fun. :D Then my friend and I scootered around the intersection by my house for like an hour. *giggles*

Anyway. I should go work on the Inner/Outer circle crud.

MIKE, GET A HAIRCUT!

Listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c10hyBKqpo4
What I Should Be Doing: SLEEPING.

Uh. I have problems. I've been watching TAI videos for like forever. Seriously, it's been like three hours. The Butcher is my hero. Anyway, I get to see them live in like two weeks. Should be amazingly awesome. I hope. Maybe. I love them and I've already seen 'em live twice when they opened for other bands, but now that they're headlining, I'm hoping it'll be even better.

Anyway. We had a ton of homework but like none of it is due tomorrow. So I left off almost all of it, which was STUPID. But oh well. I have an AP World History test tomorrow. I said there was gonna be one like last week, but I lied. xD [The teacher moved the test.]

I dunno. There's all kind of stupid stuff happening with my friends and my parents and my sisters right now, so today kinda stunk. But yesterday was awesome. xD I dressed up like an "emo" and M.E. and I scootered down to the music store. We scared people on the street and ordered some CDs and scared the guy [I think] and then we went to Smoothie King and they had better stickers than the music store... And then we went to McDonald's 'cause I didn't want a smoothie [I tasted M.E.'s and it was GROSS.] and I got a McFlurry and then we went home. =)

I have to go pick up both our CDs next Thursday and order one for my friend, who's going to the concert with me next week. We're gonna walk down to the music store before the concert.

By the way. Mike Carden now reminds me of a kid in my Latin class and egg ho's. Don't ask. xD

I'm in love with Santi at the moment.