winter break.

so i have officially finished my first semester as a college student.

it's funny, really, because i was so worried about starting school. terrified, even.

and i mean, it hasn't been as scary as i thought it would be. i had a good first few months - hiking, joking around, taking ridiculous pictures, going to parties. but when i realized that the friends i thought i had were really... not people i wanted to be hanging out with, things went downhill. actually, i was unhappy even before that.

once i removed them from my life, i was significantly happier, although a tiny bit lonelier. i have moved from having an admittedly small group of friends to one friend. i mean, i hang out with her friends too, and i'm friendly with kids around, but it's weird.

the academics have been both easier and harder than i imagined. i didn't realize they graded so easily, but i also didn't realize that "weather and atmosphere" was going to be so difficult to understand. 

it hasn't been bad, per se, but it has been interesting.

i feel like i've learned a lot about my self from the social experiences i've had so far - i feel like once i'm friends with someone, i have to continue to be friends with them; i am sometimes uncomfortable around people i don't know because i'm used to knowing everyone, etc. etc.

anyway, i'm really looking forward to next semester, when i get to meet new people, make new friends, take new classes, meet my new roommate. it should be interesting.

in the meantime.....

hmmm.

my life is being run by flickr.
i am beginning to decide to go places because i think it will be fun to take pictures there. whaaaat.
haha.
it's been five days since i've updated my flickr photostream and now i am dying to take more pictures. i don't know what's wrong with me. :)

procrastination.

there are so many things i'd rather do than read my government chapters.
i could take pictures or read blogs or watch house and parenthood on hulu or look at the most recent uploads on flickr or pretend i'm doing homework or play path pix pro on my ipod touch or shower or finish addressing my graduation announcements or wash my face or summarize science articles or read a magazine that i don't even like.
but i really should just read for government...

flickr.

i'm officially obsessed with flickr.
bahhh.
<3

heart.

sundays.

after a few mini-meltdowns about college and graduation and what the hell i'm ever going to do with a journalism degree (all courtesy of the interrogation by family friends this weekend), i think i'm going to be okay.
i have the next four years to worry about what i'm going to do with my life.


and i have the next ... 53 days to worry about passing calculus.

umm.

i have a text message that i should probably read, but my phone is charging seven feet away and checking that text requires me to get out of bed, move my computer, take my earbuds out, and actually WALK over to my phone.
so not worth it.




... so i got up and checked and it's a facebook update.


REALLY?
REALLY!?

college.

now that i know where i'm going to college, all i ever hear about is what i need to do now to prepare for next fall.


sororitiesfootballticketshousingmealplansmajorsparentsweekend


i'm not even done with high school yet, and college is already freaking me out.


it seems like the closer it gets to graduation, the less excited i am for college.
college is scary, obviously, but i'm been perceiving it as this huge change.
when maybe all it really is is a different version of high school.

Today, my math teacher told me that he hadn't realized how unhappy I was until he saw me taking yearbook pictures at the pep rally. Because I was smiling.

Yeah, yearbook is stressful, but it genuinely makes me happy.
Math does not.

google translate

I suddenly just got incredibly excited to go see Motion City Soundtrack in February. I've been meaning to make a mix CD of their songs for a while, but kept forgetting, until I finally had a lot of work to do, which meant that I would be procrastinating, which meant new mix CDs and lots of Desperate Housewives episodes.

Speaking of which, I now have three brand new still slightly warm mix CDs waiting to be thrown in my car. And I haven't studied for either of my tests yet. Unless you count Quia, which I kind of do, since it makes me use Spanish. Even if I do usually cheat.

:)

Also, I like that Juan translates to John in Google Translate.

mmm.

This is going to sound stupid, because it is, but sometimes, looking back on the friends I've made in D.C. or China, I feel like the annoying one that everyone always tries to get rid of, but can't. I mean, I don't know if it was actually like that, because I've always felt close to the people I've met, but sometimes when I'm looking at Facebook and all, I'm like "do these people ever want to talk to me again?"

Bah, it's so lame. I think I'm just being insecure, especially since I do still talk to some of them. But still. :(

Sometimes it's so much more awkward over Facebook or texting or whatever than it is in person, and maybe that's why I feel like that, but I don't know. Bah.

I miss people.

2010

So in 145 days, I'll be a high school graduate. (Finally!) I am incredibly excited to be done with high school forever. I like the people, but I'm more than happy to leave everything else behind. I've been at this school for fifteen years, which is practically an eternity, as I'm only seventeen.

To be honest, I'm horrified just as much as I'm excited. Leaving the only school I've ever known will be almost as weird as leaving home. Graduating means that I'll be heading off to college next year, living on my own, hundreds of miles (at least) from my parents.

2010, a year I've vowed to make fantastic, means a new school, new friends, a new city. It's scary in an exciting way, and I obviously have eight months to get over that fear, but it still scares me a little.

Mmmm.

I thought about blogging everyday in 2010, but the odds of that actually happening are very slim.

Maybe once a week.

I just feel like I'm not living in the moment at all.

How cheesy does that sound?
But I really do want to experience this year.