i get shit done. (not. haha.)

i put more pictures up on my walls today.
added some to my desk and frames too.
i'm so productive, right? hahaha.
my walls still have a lot of room left to fill but i only have a month left of school so i'm not too worried.
i need to get a print for my g.k. chesterton quote - the five photos and one notecard that says "thing," haha. that's not permanent - that notecard will be a photo like the others as soon as i get my snapfish shipment in. 


ignore the fact that my bed is a disaster, haha.

wah.

i am done with this whole mood swing thing.

i hate being emo, which keeps happening.

mmm.

recently, my breakfast has consisted of an apple and some almond butter.

it's not the prettiest snack in the world, but it's sooo tasty. i could live off of it, for sure. at least until i run out of apples (i only have one left)...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ainsleem/

polaroids.

i hope that by the time i have kids, polaroid film won't be so expensive.


i want to be able to give my kids an old polaroid camera with a 10 pack of prints and see what happens, even if they're the shittiest pictures ever.




i can't decide whether this came from me reminiscing about my shitty old film camera from when i was little or from my desperation that my kids won't experience any of the same tangible gorgeous things from the pre-digital era.

old pictures, new edits.

my flickr

technology.

http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/111745/things-babies-born-in-2011-will-never-know?mod=family-kids_parents


This might honestly be one of the saddest things I've read this year.


I have recently decided that as technology evolves, we devolve. I love the internet and digital cameras and my iPad, but I miss libraries and film and reading. I am going to miss book stores and magazines and video tapes and CDs. The technology just can't replace those in my mind.


My kids are going to miss out on so much. Sad. :(

winter break.

so i have officially finished my first semester as a college student.

it's funny, really, because i was so worried about starting school. terrified, even.

and i mean, it hasn't been as scary as i thought it would be. i had a good first few months - hiking, joking around, taking ridiculous pictures, going to parties. but when i realized that the friends i thought i had were really... not people i wanted to be hanging out with, things went downhill. actually, i was unhappy even before that.

once i removed them from my life, i was significantly happier, although a tiny bit lonelier. i have moved from having an admittedly small group of friends to one friend. i mean, i hang out with her friends too, and i'm friendly with kids around, but it's weird.

the academics have been both easier and harder than i imagined. i didn't realize they graded so easily, but i also didn't realize that "weather and atmosphere" was going to be so difficult to understand. 

it hasn't been bad, per se, but it has been interesting.

i feel like i've learned a lot about my self from the social experiences i've had so far - i feel like once i'm friends with someone, i have to continue to be friends with them; i am sometimes uncomfortable around people i don't know because i'm used to knowing everyone, etc. etc.

anyway, i'm really looking forward to next semester, when i get to meet new people, make new friends, take new classes, meet my new roommate. it should be interesting.

in the meantime.....

hmmm.

my life is being run by flickr.
i am beginning to decide to go places because i think it will be fun to take pictures there. whaaaat.
haha.
it's been five days since i've updated my flickr photostream and now i am dying to take more pictures. i don't know what's wrong with me. :)

procrastination.

there are so many things i'd rather do than read my government chapters.
i could take pictures or read blogs or watch house and parenthood on hulu or look at the most recent uploads on flickr or pretend i'm doing homework or play path pix pro on my ipod touch or shower or finish addressing my graduation announcements or wash my face or summarize science articles or read a magazine that i don't even like.
but i really should just read for government...

flickr.

i'm officially obsessed with flickr.
bahhh.
<3

heart.

sundays.

after a few mini-meltdowns about college and graduation and what the hell i'm ever going to do with a journalism degree (all courtesy of the interrogation by family friends this weekend), i think i'm going to be okay.
i have the next four years to worry about what i'm going to do with my life.


and i have the next ... 53 days to worry about passing calculus.

umm.

i have a text message that i should probably read, but my phone is charging seven feet away and checking that text requires me to get out of bed, move my computer, take my earbuds out, and actually WALK over to my phone.
so not worth it.




... so i got up and checked and it's a facebook update.


REALLY?
REALLY!?

college.

now that i know where i'm going to college, all i ever hear about is what i need to do now to prepare for next fall.


sororitiesfootballticketshousingmealplansmajorsparentsweekend


i'm not even done with high school yet, and college is already freaking me out.


it seems like the closer it gets to graduation, the less excited i am for college.
college is scary, obviously, but i'm been perceiving it as this huge change.
when maybe all it really is is a different version of high school.

Today, my math teacher told me that he hadn't realized how unhappy I was until he saw me taking yearbook pictures at the pep rally. Because I was smiling.

Yeah, yearbook is stressful, but it genuinely makes me happy.
Math does not.

google translate

I suddenly just got incredibly excited to go see Motion City Soundtrack in February. I've been meaning to make a mix CD of their songs for a while, but kept forgetting, until I finally had a lot of work to do, which meant that I would be procrastinating, which meant new mix CDs and lots of Desperate Housewives episodes.

Speaking of which, I now have three brand new still slightly warm mix CDs waiting to be thrown in my car. And I haven't studied for either of my tests yet. Unless you count Quia, which I kind of do, since it makes me use Spanish. Even if I do usually cheat.

:)

Also, I like that Juan translates to John in Google Translate.

mmm.

This is going to sound stupid, because it is, but sometimes, looking back on the friends I've made in D.C. or China, I feel like the annoying one that everyone always tries to get rid of, but can't. I mean, I don't know if it was actually like that, because I've always felt close to the people I've met, but sometimes when I'm looking at Facebook and all, I'm like "do these people ever want to talk to me again?"

Bah, it's so lame. I think I'm just being insecure, especially since I do still talk to some of them. But still. :(

Sometimes it's so much more awkward over Facebook or texting or whatever than it is in person, and maybe that's why I feel like that, but I don't know. Bah.

I miss people.

2010

So in 145 days, I'll be a high school graduate. (Finally!) I am incredibly excited to be done with high school forever. I like the people, but I'm more than happy to leave everything else behind. I've been at this school for fifteen years, which is practically an eternity, as I'm only seventeen.

To be honest, I'm horrified just as much as I'm excited. Leaving the only school I've ever known will be almost as weird as leaving home. Graduating means that I'll be heading off to college next year, living on my own, hundreds of miles (at least) from my parents.

2010, a year I've vowed to make fantastic, means a new school, new friends, a new city. It's scary in an exciting way, and I obviously have eight months to get over that fear, but it still scares me a little.

Mmmm.

I thought about blogging everyday in 2010, but the odds of that actually happening are very slim.

Maybe once a week.

I just feel like I'm not living in the moment at all.

How cheesy does that sound?
But I really do want to experience this year.

research papers.

I'm sitting on my bed in the dark, drinking tea, working on my research paper on Anne Tyler, and having a conversation on Facebook with one of my friends and two freshmen. My tea's getting kind of cold and is slightly too sweet, but it's still good, and I'm starting to get kind of sleepy. I'm in the zone for working on my paper though which is probably why I'm actually DOING it instead of slacking off.

Gah.

lunch fiascos.

Today started off pretty badly. I still don't understand calculus, despite somehow making a 93 on our latest test (with a 15 point curve). My English test was terrible - I only knew two of the questions out of twelve that we had to choose five from. I made up stuff so maybe I'll get partial credit, but I'm 99.99% sure I got an F on that test. Spanish was just boring.

I wasn't entirely excited about the day in general at this point, but everyone else was excited to go to Subway for off campus lunch. I didn't really want Subway anymore, but figured it'd all be okay. Nadia and I got our lunch passes 40 minutes early and essentially rushed everyone into getting to the car as fast as possible - this probably saved our asses, too. We (literally) all ran down to the parking lot and had a mild crisis over who was riding with whom before zipping out of the parking lot and speeding to the street it was on. Most of us - the ones who didn't know where Subway was - were expecting it to be pretty close, because we'd had a discussion about how far away the two nearest Subways were and which we were going to. It took fifteen minutes of driving down a parkway just to get there. With our 45 minute lunch break, we couldn't really afford to spend thirty minutes driving back and forth. Irritated, we pull into Subway, jump out, and practically run into the place.

And there's a line. A huge line of at least twelve people, one of which is running back and forth from the counter to the parking lot to ask his girlfriend what kind of cheese she wants on her sub. After waiting in line for all of four seconds, we all decide to go tell Katie - who drove herself - that we have to go somewhere else. Nadia and I seriously consider running into the sketchy pub next door before everyone else freaks out and we realize that it's closed. Someone makes decides that we're going to the McDonalds a block away so we jump back in the car to head through the drive thru. After I almost get in a car wreck by making a probably illegal turn, we zip into the drive thru after Katie.

This is where it gets complicated. We've avoided drive thrus because there are so many of us and we're all paying separately. But we don't really have a choice today - we simply don't have a lot of time. Katie takes about five seconds to get her order through, and I'm frantically trying to get everyone's order while Nadia's frantically trying to collect money. The recording about iced lattes plays and I say, "No, thank you," despite knowing that the person ready to take my order hasn't asked me anything yet. Suddenly, Vedanti realizes that she can't really eat anything because she's a vegetarian, and McDonalds is like meat and bread, no matter what you order.

"Um, can I get 4 chicken nugget mighty kids meals?" I ask the guy on the other end once he welcomes us to McDonalds and all that jazz, while the back seat discusses Vedanti's food order. Things are going smoothly so far, so I feel slightly more confident. M.E. and Whitney demand sweet and sour sauce so I ask for some - twice. We're trying to rush so I quickly ask the car what drinks they want as we neglected to discuss that part. After determining that Nadia and I want Dr. Pepper, Whitney wants Sprite, and M.E. wants apple juice, we order those without any issues. Then I venture onto the vegetarian burger, which we've decided Vedanti is getting.

Unsure if the order will translate well, I ask, "Can I also get a cheeseburger mighty kids meal without the meat?"

The guy taking our order punches in a regular hamburger. "Is that all?"

"No, we need a CHEESEburger without the meat."

I've confused him now and I go about trying to explain it without confusing him further. After about two minutes of rewording the order and unintentionally raising my voice as I get more frantic about how much time we have left, my phone starts ringing. I throw it in the backseat, asking someone to answer it and talk to her. M.E. answers it, and I go back to negotiating with the guy. After a few more seconds, Nadia yells, "We need a cheeseburger, hold the meat, everything else on it!"

He FINALLY gets the picture and punches in "1 CHEESEBURGER - NO RG MEAT," and we all sigh with relief. We realize we haven't gotten Vedanti a drink yet, and irritated with how long this has taken, I yell, "We need one more small sprite too!"

For some reason, that translates as a Coke. We argue about this for a while before Nadia yells, "SPRITE."

He's gotten everything and reads everything off as we're sitting there waiting. We're all getting pretty impatient, and Katie's parked to wait for us to get through, probably wondering what the HELL is going on. He's getting to the part where he tells us how much it'll cost, but there are people behind me and I'm annoyed, so I just say loudly, "Okay, thanks, we're pulling up to the window now, bye!"

We pay, but he gives us a dollar back because in all the commotion, we've apparently given him too much money. That or he just doesn't want to have to give us 3 cent change and just takes the 97 cents off the charge. I apologize to him over the loud car, and he smiles like he's laughing at us and says that it's okay, but I'm sure he hates his job more than he already did now. We pull up to the second window to get our food and - THANK GOD - the meals are ready just as we get there. I throw the four kids meals into Nadia's lap and the sack with the burger in it back to Vedanti; the guy working there hands me the drinks in a drink holder thing and I am so eternally grateful for how efficient and ready he was. He closes the window and ready to drive off, I ask everyone if we got everything before realizing we only have four drinks for five people.

"My apple juice!" M.E. exclaims loudly, just as he opens the window again to hand a juice box out. I literally chuck it in the backseat, thank him quickly, and speed away as Katie's backing out of her parking spot. Everything seems to be going good after all. Then M.E. realizes that there isn't any sweet and sour sauce and Vedanti realizes they put meat on their burger after we yelled at the guy for at least five minutes.

At this point, M.E. eats Vedanti's meat patty and Nadia feeds me french fries and holds my drink for me while I speed back to school with just about 20 minutes to spare. We got back to class on time and with cute cheap stuffed toys to show for our adventure. :)